a little personal consideration

i consider myself to be a fairly positive person. a really close friend of mine confirmed that for me this evening. i have my ups and downs and i can be difficult to live with (just ask scott), but for the most part... i try to smile.

lately, due to any number of different reasons, it's become increasingly more complicated to smile. to the point that i think i actually believed that i couldn't. silly, i know. but true non-the-less. and then yesterday, today and this evening i have had a string of thoughts that really have been pretty earth shattering. very intense and extremely positive. and the best part is that these thoughts weren't painful or overly fantastic. they were more just bump-my-head-with-the-butt-of-my-hand obvious.

i love a lot of things about my life. how strange to let the random day-to-day fog get in my way. i have this high energy family that loves me. i love them too. that's the focus i need to feed. worrying about life will only make me old. besides, if i'm really doing everything i can possibly do to survive, then worrying only steals whatever precious energy is left over. that's just plain irresponsible use of a rare commodity.

i must be in command of my energy. i cannot allow myself to be dictated to by enigmatic thought when i have spent my entire life up to this point convincing everyone on every front that i will not be dictated to - how contrary to me that would be. i have been pouring myself haphazardly in all the wrong places. a lot like a glass of milk that ends up on the floor.

well, no use crying over spilled milk. time to clean it up, figure it out and move on. 2 nephi 2:25, baby.