do you ever find yourself moving forward at a pretty good clip and then out of nowhere - "hmmm... i thought i was in sync with the music, but now i'm way off." i was really starting to enjoy the song, too. aw well. such is life.
happiness is such a relative term.
21.7.08
a little personal consideration
i consider myself to be a fairly positive person. a really close friend of mine confirmed that for me this evening. i have my ups and downs and i can be difficult to live with (just ask scott), but for the most part... i try to smile.
lately, due to any number of different reasons, it's become increasingly more complicated to smile. to the point that i think i actually believed that i couldn't. silly, i know. but true non-the-less. and then yesterday, today and this evening i have had a string of thoughts that really have been pretty earth shattering. very intense and extremely positive. and the best part is that these thoughts weren't painful or overly fantastic. they were more just bump-my-head-with-the-butt-of-my-hand obvious.
i love a lot of things about my life. how strange to let the random day-to-day fog get in my way. i have this high energy family that loves me. i love them too. that's the focus i need to feed. worrying about life will only make me old. besides, if i'm really doing everything i can possibly do to survive, then worrying only steals whatever precious energy is left over. that's just plain irresponsible use of a rare commodity.
i must be in command of my energy. i cannot allow myself to be dictated to by enigmatic thought when i have spent my entire life up to this point convincing everyone on every front that i will not be dictated to - how contrary to me that would be. i have been pouring myself haphazardly in all the wrong places. a lot like a glass of milk that ends up on the floor.
well, no use crying over spilled milk. time to clean it up, figure it out and move on. 2 nephi 2:25, baby.
lately, due to any number of different reasons, it's become increasingly more complicated to smile. to the point that i think i actually believed that i couldn't. silly, i know. but true non-the-less. and then yesterday, today and this evening i have had a string of thoughts that really have been pretty earth shattering. very intense and extremely positive. and the best part is that these thoughts weren't painful or overly fantastic. they were more just bump-my-head-with-the-butt-of-my-hand obvious.
i love a lot of things about my life. how strange to let the random day-to-day fog get in my way. i have this high energy family that loves me. i love them too. that's the focus i need to feed. worrying about life will only make me old. besides, if i'm really doing everything i can possibly do to survive, then worrying only steals whatever precious energy is left over. that's just plain irresponsible use of a rare commodity.
i must be in command of my energy. i cannot allow myself to be dictated to by enigmatic thought when i have spent my entire life up to this point convincing everyone on every front that i will not be dictated to - how contrary to me that would be. i have been pouring myself haphazardly in all the wrong places. a lot like a glass of milk that ends up on the floor.
well, no use crying over spilled milk. time to clean it up, figure it out and move on. 2 nephi 2:25, baby.
9.7.08
things my children teach me
sometimes i think that the holidays are too commercial and too this or too that. then i watch my kids are realize that each holiday is pretty much going to be whatever i make of it.
this past Christmas i thought to myself, "toys for very little kids are pretty cheap. so i can buy more things and it can be a really fun morning of gift opening for the girls." on Christmas morning we woke the girls up and brought them down to the front room to see all the presents. it hadn't been too expensive and the tree looked great. the girls got to the first gift (little einsteins play sets) and there they sat. in fact, every time we tried to get them to move to the next present they were really mad.
finally after 45 min of waiting, we distracted them and hid the sets and handed them new gifts. and there they stayed for 2o min. we distracted them again and handed them the next gifts. but they weren't happy. they wanted their other toys back.
so, here's what i figured out. my girls are happy grateful girls. they only expect what i teach them to expect. they are happy with one. they don't need many. I needed lots. i won't make that mistake again. i love the idea of one really nice gift for Christmas. i love the thought of real gratitude for a special, thoughtful gift.
now on to the 4th. we went to a big empty, grassy field with some friends and watched fireworks that were partially obscured by gigantic trees. it was the first 4th that the girls could really enjoy. and they did. they played and laughed and ran around and had a great time. no mobs, no loud scary noises... just fun.
i think these kids of mine might be on to something. simplicity. they really are so clever.
this past Christmas i thought to myself, "toys for very little kids are pretty cheap. so i can buy more things and it can be a really fun morning of gift opening for the girls." on Christmas morning we woke the girls up and brought them down to the front room to see all the presents. it hadn't been too expensive and the tree looked great. the girls got to the first gift (little einsteins play sets) and there they sat. in fact, every time we tried to get them to move to the next present they were really mad.
finally after 45 min of waiting, we distracted them and hid the sets and handed them new gifts. and there they stayed for 2o min. we distracted them again and handed them the next gifts. but they weren't happy. they wanted their other toys back.
so, here's what i figured out. my girls are happy grateful girls. they only expect what i teach them to expect. they are happy with one. they don't need many. I needed lots. i won't make that mistake again. i love the idea of one really nice gift for Christmas. i love the thought of real gratitude for a special, thoughtful gift.
now on to the 4th. we went to a big empty, grassy field with some friends and watched fireworks that were partially obscured by gigantic trees. it was the first 4th that the girls could really enjoy. and they did. they played and laughed and ran around and had a great time. no mobs, no loud scary noises... just fun.
i think these kids of mine might be on to something. simplicity. they really are so clever.
3.7.08
on the fly
i love to travel. i really love to fly. i will road trip if i must, but flight is by far my preference. thus, working for an airline is right up my alley. and though i would prefer to just be filthy stinking rich and pay for air tickets any time to anywhere, that just isn't my life. not yet anyway. so, for now, my life requires that i work and i choose to make the most of it and work for an airline.
i love a couple of things about my trips. the first and foremost - i love to be able to go everywhere. i love being able to share my deep and intense love of travel and people with my children. i love that they are getting to know about my favorite places first hand. i love that being poor doesn't feel quite so bad. i love to explore new places and get away from reality, even if it is only for a minute or two.
i love being able to stay connected in person with people that i would otherwise not be able to see. so even though it's not ideal, it is wonderful for what it is. isn't that mostly the way with life? if you can't live the life you'd love, love the life you're in (and yes, i know that's not technically the way that saying goes, but it works for me).
i love a couple of things about my trips. the first and foremost - i love to be able to go everywhere. i love being able to share my deep and intense love of travel and people with my children. i love that they are getting to know about my favorite places first hand. i love that being poor doesn't feel quite so bad. i love to explore new places and get away from reality, even if it is only for a minute or two.
i love being able to stay connected in person with people that i would otherwise not be able to see. so even though it's not ideal, it is wonderful for what it is. isn't that mostly the way with life? if you can't live the life you'd love, love the life you're in (and yes, i know that's not technically the way that saying goes, but it works for me).
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