strange things are afoot

yesterday i thought to myself - man, this has been a very strange day. i don't know if i've had a day this strange for a while. so much reality in such a short span of time. but then the night came and i slept and a new day began.

i have to be completely honest, i've spent most of today thinking... good grief, this is a crazy day too. maybe this is the new norm. gee, i hope not.

i don't know why reality spurs so much emotion. so many people that i love and care about living out so many feelings. and then because i know them i get to feel bits and pieces of them all. it's strange, i don't mind feeling or having compassion while those around me feel. it's 'nice' to feel. is that too trite?

yesterday i felt loss through someone... for someone that i've never even met. and i cried. yesterday i felt fear for someone that i love a lot and followed it up immediately with compassion for the sadness that they felt for someone else. yesterday i felt a little alone because i wasn't sure who i could really describe all these combinations of feelings to. today i felt anxious because i knew that i wasn't ready for my day. today i felt frustrated because i wasn't sure that i could get all the various facets of my life to play nice. today i felt ashamed because i let some of my emotions get the better of me.

tomorrow means hope. so 'hopefully' tomorrow will be better.

i'm so tired

i'm so tired that my teeth hurt. so what makes me think that the answer is staying up later and blogging. guess that's probably not going to help. so, i'll be done for now and sleep. but i'd rather write. i'd rather write about my girls and how funny they are. i'd rather write about how sweet my husband has been lately. i'd rather sit just a little longer and enjoy the silence. but i guess my ache-y body has other ideas. my eye lids are heavy. i'm sure i can sleep. i just need to give myself the chance. guess i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

ugh. tomorrow. i'm sure it will start much too early. unless i go to sleep now and get plenty of rest. but i'd rather write. -wink-

just because

ok, so i just feel like writing some stuff down and i have no reason and i have no subject. i just want to. i guess that's ok... to just want something just because. i love my family blog and it makes it so easy to keep everyone updated and to keep a family record of what's going on with us. but that's all about the girls and our family. and not only that, but i feel like i have to keep it secure. i don't really want to post all that info on the web for any ol' freakshow to read. i don't care who reads this. i'm not going to spill my guts or give away my position. i'm just going to write. because i can. because i want to.

now here is the kicker. you can read it if you want to. isn't that crazy?!? if you feel like it, you can skip it or read it or comment on it (and these comments actually work correctly - hallelujah!) or whatever. well, you can't edit it or delete it, but you can think about it if you want.

anyway, that's all. it's just another blog. only i'm writing it and it's just for me. enjoy. or don't. whatever.